I braced for the counter-offensive. Teeth gritted, I reassured myself that I was justified in bringing up my concern, and I waited for the rebound defensiveness, anger, bitterness, rage, projected frustration, and inevitable personal attacks directed at my core. I kept waiting… I had dared to express discontent, no matter how minor, so the retaliation must be forthcoming.  I was sure that I was moments away from being lambasted, told I was not only wrong but out of line, and thoroughly shamed for questioning their judgement.

Almost a year removed from the last toxic relationship, I’m still untwisting pieces of myself that I didn’t know were still tortuous and tortured. Abuse is like the childhood party game of spinning around in circles with your forehead on a bat, except also miles underwater. Even if the world is still for a minute, you have no idea which way is up, which way is normal, which way is healthy.

I waited; there was no retaliation. Just patient, calm, rational, straightforward, and even tender dialogue until we came to a mutual understanding. Part of me hasn’t given up on waiting, but I am moving forward, one piece at a time.